Archive for the 'Humor' Category

Introducing the Milliken Action Calendar

March 27, 2017

By Matthew E. Milliken
MEMwrites.wordpress.com
March 27, 2017

March Madness, the trademarked nickname for the collegiate basketball tournament that largely coincides with the third month, is such a catchy and popular term. Don’t the other 11 months deserve to have an equally slogan? Sure they do!

Herewith, I present the first draft of the MAC, a.k.a. the Milliken Action Calendar (trademark pending):

January Japery

February Fervor

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Memo to Donald: Everyone loves a mischievous television scamp

June 18, 2016

By Matthew E. Milliken
MEMwrites.wordpress.com
June 18, 2016

Yesterday, I surveyed the troubled state of the campaign of New York real-estate mogul and reality-TV star Donald Trump. Today, I wanted to offer a modest proposal aimed at revitalizing his run for the presidency.

It’s a truth universally acknowledged that Trump is a master at grabbing the attention of the news media, largely because he says a lot of outrageous things. It’s a truth nearly as widely accepted, however, that an alarmingly high proportion of the outrageous things he says earn him condemnation.

My solution is simple: Turn the candidate’s liability into an asset by casting Trump as an archetypal sitcom character that everyone recognizes and loves.

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Ask not for whom the sharknado tolls…

August 2, 2015

By Matthew E. Milliken
MEMwrites.wordpress.com
Aug. 2, 2015

My contributions to the Sharknado canon, courtesy of some late-July Twitter brainstorming. Get at me, Syfy!

Sharknado 4: The Sharkening

Sharknado 5: Just When You Thought It was Safe to Leave the Storm Cellar…

Sharknado 6: Sharklahoma!

Sharknado 7: Into Sharkness

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The joker was a jurist: Considering the matter of Supreme Court justice Antonin Scalia

April 23, 2014

By Matthew E. Milliken
MEMwrites.wordpress.com
April 23, 2014

Two.

That’s the number of times this month that Antonin Scalia, the longest-sitting U.S. Supreme Court justice, has publicly suggested rebellion against the U.S. government.

The first instance took place in early April, at a Brooklyn Law School event. In a roundup of legal news, Joe Patrice restated the the episode this way: “Justice Scalia was asked, ‘Why should society be bound by laws that were passed only by white male property owners?’ If you guessed he’d eschew a substantive response in favor of a condescending sarcastic quip, you’re right!”

What was the quip? Let’s go to an April 8 Wall Street Journal article about Scalia’s visit to the school, which closed with an anecdote about the question that Patrice had highlighted. The justice, in reporter David Shapiro’s telling,

hesitated for a few seconds, longer than he had all evening. “That’s a reasonable position,” he smiled. “You people wanna make a revolt? Do it!”

Something not dissimilar happened last week, when Scalia delivered a lecture at the University of Tennessee law school. In response to a question, Scalia stated that the income tax is constitutional, “but if it reaches a certain point, perhaps you should revolt.”

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Puns on the loose: A very silly list of renamed sitcoms

April 21, 2014

By Matthew E. Milliken
MEMwrites.wordpress.com
April 21, 2014

Yes, it’s another list — this time of unappealingly renamed sitcoms.

• Unhappy Days

• I Loathe Lucy

• The Cosby Shoe

• Mork Murders Mindy

• Laverne and Shirley and John Wayne Gacy

It’s Always Grungy in Philadelphia

How I Ate Your Mother

• Two and a Half Carcasses

Family Bondage

• Alf Autopsy

• Everybody Punches Raymond

• Gilligan’s Graveyard

Neinfeld

• Charles de Gaulle in Charge

• Charles in Chains

• The Gallstone Girls

Puns on the loose: A very silly science fiction list

April 18, 2014

By Matthew E. Milliken
MEMwrites.wordpress.com
April 18, 2014

And now, this blog humbly presents some alternative, and far less appealing, names for some well-known (and otherwise) science fiction franchises.

Star Bores

• Star Dreck

• Battlefarts Galactica

• The PG-13 Files

• Starship Bloopers

• All-But-Dissertation Who

• Agents of I.R.S.

• Blade Cleaner

• Peninsula of the Apes

• RoboMeterMaid

Sept. 11, 2001: George Bush’s Odyssey 

• Men in Gray Flannel Suits

• Fahrenheit 51

• Invasion of the Body Sculptors

• The Lamest American Zero

• Infinitesimal Leap

Logan’s 5K

• seaQuest DVR

• The Six Million Dollar Hip Replacement

• Buck Rogers in the 21st Century

Word play: Man’s best friend

July 17, 2013

By Matthew E. Milliken
MEMwrites.wordpress.com
July 17, 2013

Man’s best friend. Man’s west bend. Man’s bed send. Man’s hedge bent. Man’s nest tends. Man’s quest ends. Man’s dread rends. Dan’s fed men. Fan’s edge fens. Tan’s hedge trends.

Man’s jest lends. Man’s breast condescends. Man’s test fends. Man’s vest mends. Man’s stressed wren. Man’s guest vend. Man’s dressed wen. Man’s pressed ten. Man’s pest Zen. Man’s zest wends. Man’s Midwest Brent. Man’s oppressed yen. Man’s incensed Ken. Man’s recessed Ben. Man’s depressed den. Man’s suppressed hen. Man’s progressed then.

Man’s chest pen. Man’s request lens. Man’s professed hem. Man’s rest descends. Man’s protest intends. Man’s interests rescind. Man’s coalesced oven. Man’s dispossessed clench. Man’s arrest trench. Vans suggest human. Crams southwest glen.

Man’s digressed inch. Man’s finessed bench. Man’s thirst quenched. Man’s infested mensch. Han’s regressed French.

Man’s obsessed finch. Man’s ingest dent. Man’s messed tent. Man’s tressed scent. Man’s compressed blend.

25 listicles that I will never write

July 10, 2013

By Matthew E. Milliken
MEMwrites.wordpress.com
July 10, 2013

15 Grumpy-Looking Cats

Seven Lively Sins

Great Britain’s 10 Best-Loved Prepositions

13 Exemplary Uses of Onomatopoeia in 20th-Century American Children’s Literature

O-High-Ohhh!: The 11 Longest Punts in Ohio Pop Warner Football

17 Dog-Goned Good Dogs

Cappuccin-O: Nine Cutting-Edge Coffeehouses in Eugene, Oregon

14 for ’14: Knitting Blogs that Will Keep You in Stitches in 2014

Poe-Tay-Toe, Poe-Tah-Toe: Six Top Word Pronunciation Controversies

The Fulsome 15: Top Fullbacks of the National Football League Read the rest of this entry »

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