Soap thief! A dog story

January 11, 2017

By Matthew E. Milliken
Jan. 11, 2017

The other day, over the phone, dearest Parental Unit told me this story about Lucky the dog.

On a recent Wednesday morning (that is, last Wednesday morning), my parent was scheduled to get a blood test but was considering skipping it because P.U. had been feeling poorly for several days.

Still, in an effort to make the appointment, my parent soldiered onward and got showered. Alas, P.U. emerged from the shower to find that Lucky had gotten herself into some trouble.

My parent had evidently left the door to the walk-in closet slightly ajar, enabling Lucky to get her ever-hungering jaws on a brand-new bar of soap.

P.U. noticed the empty box in the bedroom and immediately (and understandably) assumed the worst — that the Labrador retriever had consumed an entire bar of soap.

This kind of doggy mischief would be annoying (at best) to most people, but it absolutely infuriates my parent. My progenitor began raging and screaming at the dog.

Lucky responded to this verbal barrage as she responds to most spoken language: by wagging her tail ever so adorably. Look, dogs are hard to discipline.

Now Lucky is about 65 pounds — hardly the world’s largest, but not at all small. Despite her size, she has a surprising affinity for confined spaces. On this occasion, she’d apparently retreated to an unusual spot for her, underneath a rocking chair in the master bedroom.

Initially, my parent hadn’t seen any trace of the bar of soap from the empty box. But when P.U. happened to look where Lucky had been camping out, my parent beheld — a bar of soap, nearly intact but for a few stray tooth marks.

So while the dog had indeed gotten herself into some mischief, the extent of her misbehavior was actually much smaller than first feared. My parent’s dander settled as this understanding sank in.

This episode had a happy result: The angry outburst yielded an unexpected burst of energy. In the end, Parental Unit went to get the blood test.

Nevertheless, P.U. eschews temper tantrums as a reliable antidote to feeling blah: “It’s no way to live,” my parent said over the phone in wrapping up the story.

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